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"When you're one step ahead of the crowd you're a genius. When you're two steps ahead, you're a crackpot."

"Don't get your panties in a bunch."

"Don't get in a tizzy."

"Don't get your tushy in a tizzy."

"Tighter'n a bull's ass in fly season."

"Remain calm..."

"Don't get your ass in an uproar."

"He was grinnin' like a mule in a briar patch."

"Never get between two donkeys and a blade of grass."

"There's more [air up there] 'n you can shake your pecker at." [corn out there] [cattle out there] ...

"...on it like paint on a wall."

"...on it like flies on shit."

"...on it like a duck on a june bug."

"...stickier than a gummy worm on a hot desert dashboard."

"...stickier than cheese on mashed 'taters."

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep,

One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,

One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.

I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"

I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with
huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,
and loves to send me fishing and hunting. This
doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.

It's hard to be right. And it's easy to learn the rules and manipulate them to your benefit.

You can always beat everyone at something, and you can always beat someone at everything. Compete against yourself and you'll always get better, because you can never beat yourself.

A man who wants nothing is undefeatable. The man who wants everything is poor, vulnerable, and weak.

"Don't lollygag." "Stop your lollygaggling."

"You're pissing in the wind."

"Stop your bellyaching."

"Quitcher bitchin'."

"His eyes were like twin pissholes in a snowbank."

"Go piss up a rope."

'Borrowing' an idea is not flattery; it is stealing. If you could have thought of it on your own, you would have.

"He's on a cold streak colder'n a toilet seat in the Yukon."

"It's colder'n a witch's tit in January."

"It's colder'n hell."

"Slower'n molasses in January."

"Knocked him colder'n a cucumber."

"He can talk a fly right up the wall."

"She's so horny she's doing push-ups in the cucumber patch."

"It's bass-ackwards."

"It's ass-backwards."

"He went flying ass over teakettle."

"He went flying ass over tincups"

"He thinks his shit don't stink."

"She's got a bee in her bonnet."

"He's got a burr under his saddle."

Claughter [also "clafter"] - The sound of a happy audience laughing, clapping, and bemused all at once.

"She's my insignificant other."

"Fondness makes the heart grow absent."

"He's more riled up than a possum in a breadbox"

Some people like to compare Chuck Berry to God. He's great and all, but he's no Chuck Berry.

God made men. Sam Colt made them equal, more or less.

"if it's too hot in the kitchen, get the hell out"

"If it's too bright around me, get out of the sunlight."

". . . how much easier it is to be critical than to be correct." [Benjamin Disraeli]

"Man is not the creature of circumstances; circumstances are the creature of man." [Disraeli]

"The foundational line . . of true ethical behaviour . . . is the degree of freedom from self-centeredness." [George F.R. Ellis]

All Rights Reserved ©2007-present george mcclure PID: Americanisms
Last Updated 1 Cauac (Rainstorm, Blessing), 9th Wave of Creation , or 23 ap 2016