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AMERICANISMS and McCLUREISMS

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"When you're one step ahead of the crowd you're a genius. When you're two steps ahead, you're a crackpot."


"It looks like it's gonna clabber up and squirt."

"It's gettin' right chilly."

"Don't get your panties in a bunch."

"Don't get your panties in a wad."

"Don't get in a tizzy."

"Don't get your tushy in a tizzy."

"Nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs"

"I brought you into this world and I will take you out."

"Pull that window to." "Pull that door to."

"Tighter'n a bull's ass in fly season."

"Remain calm..."

"Don't get your ass in an uproar."

"He was grinnin' like a mule in a briar patch."

"Grinnin' like a 'possum eatin' sweet potaters."

"Never get between two donkeys and a blade of grass."

"There's more [air up there] 'n you can shake your pecker at." [corn out there] [cattle out there] ...

"...on it like paint on a wall."

"...on it like flies on shit."

"...on it like a duck on a june bug."

"That dog won't hunt."

"She's all tore up. . ."

"Country as cornbread."

"I'm fixin' to. . ."

"Ain't no flies on that."

"They ain't no flies on me."

"I'm about to Jack you to Jesus."

"You'd best let sleepin' dogs lie."

"Well butter my butt and call it a biscuit."

"She's so hot I'd bite her ass and pray for lockjaw."

"Well butter my butt and call it a biscuit."

"That wasn't half bad. . . Yeah, it was all bad."

"Rode hard and hung out to dry."

"You're gettin' too big for your britches."

"Reach me that wrench."

"Just a frog's hair to the right."

"Fine as a frog's hair."

"Don't you back-sass me."

"I reckon." "How far up this road do you reckon it is?"

"Fetch me those pliers over there."

"Bless your soul." "Bless your heart."

"The Hell you say."

"You done gone and done it now."

"Fair to middlin'."

"He's bad to take a drink."

"Don't lollygag." "Stop your lollygaggling."

"You're pissing in the wind."

"Stop your bellyaching."

"Quitcher bitchin'."

"His eyes were like twin pissholes in a snowbank."

"Go piss up a rope."

"He's on a cold streak."

"It's colder'n a witch's tit in January."

"It's colder'n hell."

"Slower'n molasses in January."

"Knocked him colder'n a cucumber."

"Knocked him dead as a door nail."

"He can talk a fly right up the wall."

"She's so horny she's doing push-ups in the cucumber patch."

"It's bass-ackwards."

"It's ass-backwards."

"He went flying ass over teakettle."

"He went flying ass over tincups"

"He thinks his shit don't stink."

"She's got a bee in her bonnet."

"He's got a burr under his saddle."

"She's dumb as dirt." "He's stupid as a stick."

"You're dumb as a rock."

"Somebody pooted!"

"I'm full as a tick."

"He's happy as a tick on a hound."

"Sugar? Gimme some sugar."

"Are you shittin' me?"

"I'm about to jerk a knot in your tail."

"Cut off the lights." "Cut off the hose pipe."

"Dad blast it." "Dad burn it." "Dad gum it."

"Good gravy." "Goldurn it."

"All hat and no cattle."

"Do what?" "Say what?" "What's that now?"

"I might could carry you up to the store."

"Get me a orange coke."

"Boy howdy"

"That tire ain't worth a flip."

"She's just plumb pitiful."

"Raise that window down."

"Did you just fall off the turnip truck?"

"Hush." "Hush up your mouth."

"Let's head out." "Let's pull out." "Let's mosey along."

"Let's meander on down that way."

"Y'all come back now"

"I haven't seen you in a coon's age"

"You're a sight for sore eyes."

"I declare"

"She's a Georgia peach."

"You're so ugly today" "Why you being so ugly?"

"You're right dapper tonite."

"You're looking dapper tonite."

"She's all gussied up."

"We're livin' high on the hog."


  Southwest & Burqueño

"Are you going to get down from the car or what?"

"Mira look" "Look que cuté"

"¡Oh sí!" "Que bueno"

"Okay bueno" "Bueno bye"

"Are we going or no?" "Do you want to eat o no?"

"Get me a sangwich"

"You're a sing-ger !?"

"Let's go seven eleven"

"Let's go to Sonics"

"Green or red?"

"Put green" "Put gas" "Put water"

"Shut the light"

"We landed up going to the plaza"

"It's all tall." "It's all cold."


Some people like to compare Chuck Berry to God. He's great and all, but he's no Chuck Berry.

God made men. Sam Colt made them equal, more or less.

"If it's too hot in the kitchen, get the hell out"

"If it's too bright (by me), get out of the sunlight."

It's hard to be right. And it's easy to learn the rules and manipulate them to your benefit.

'Borrowing' an idea is not flattery; it is stealing. If you could have thought of it on your own, you would have.

You can always beat everyone at something, and you can always beat someone at everything. Compete against yourself and you'll always get better, because you can never beat yourself.

A man who wants nothing is undefeatable. The man who wants everything is poor and vulnerable.

Claughter [also "clafter"] - The sound of a happy audience laughing, clapping, and bemused all at once.

"She's my insignificant other."

"Fondness makes the heart grow absent."


". . . how much easier it is to be critical than to be correct." [Benjamin Disraeli]

"Man is not the creature of circumstances; circumstances are the creature of man." [Disraeli]

"The foundational line . . of true ethical behaviour . . . is the degree of freedom from self-centeredness." [George F.R. Ellis]



WOMAN'S LOVE POEM
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep,

One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,

One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.

I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"

I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

MAN'S LOVE POEM
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with
huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,
and loves to send me fishing and hunting. This
doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.





All Rights Reserved ©2007-present george mcclure PID: Americanisms
Last Updated 11 Ik (Wind), 9th Wave of Creation , or 18 o 2017